YOU’RE going to have to trust me on this one – it won’t be bad luck if you read this column today . . . honest . . . promise . . . cross my heart.

Yes, it’s Friday the 13^th (only the second Friday the 13^th in the 2024 calendar).

It’s a fair bet that if you survived the one in September, you’ll manage to get through today – even if I take a little bit of delight in reminding you just how superstitious us human beings can be.

There is a medical word for the fear of Friday the 13^th.

It is paraskevidekatriaphobia – a word which just sent my spell-checker into overdrive.

The word paraskevidekatriaphobia was devised by Dr Donald Dossey, a California-based clinical psychologist who had a sideline as a folklore historian.

Dr Dossey would tell suffering patients that they had paraskevidekatriaphobia – but he would cheerfully add, “when you learn to pronounce it, you’re cured!”

As it happens, Friday the 13^th doesn’t bother me that much, but I did take the precaution of writing this column on Thursday the 12^th.

Under questioning, I will admit to certain superstitions.

For example, I won’t walk under ladders, but I will salute solitary magpies.

Welsh superstitions and folklore do remain something of a fascination and I have a little black book where I collect snippets of folk beliefs down the years.

For example, here are a few I have jotted down over the years . . .

• To see several foxes together is unlucky, but to see a lone one means that good luck will attend you.
• A greyhound with a white spot on its forehead will bring luck to the people of Gower.
• If you find the first daffodil, you will have more gold than silver that year.
• Black goats on a lonely bridle path mean that treasure is hidden.
• Money washed in clear rainwater cannot be stolen.
• If a person suffering from rheumatism creeps on hands and knees under, or through, a bramble bush three times with the sun (i.e. east to west), he will be cured.
• If you clothe your right leg first (i.e. put your right stocking on first, and your right leg in your trousers first), you will never have a toothache.
• To prevent drunkenness, take the lungs of a hog and roast them. If a man eats them after fasting all day, he will not get drunk the next day, no matter how much he drinks.
• A man with leek or garlic on him will be victorious in any fight and will suffer no wound.
• When an owl hoots among houses, a maiden will lose her chastity.
• A silver sixpence in the bride’s shoe will ensure a happy and prosperous life.
• It will bring bad luck to hang up mistletoe in the house before Christmas Eve.
• A woman who wets her apron overmuch in washing will be cursed with a drunken husband.
• A bunch of seaweed hanging in the back kitchen will keep away evil spirits.

Folklore? Superstitions? Make your own mind up.

But, if you are looking for me later today, I’m either at Billy Upton’s on Swansea Market, negotiating a price on the lungs of a hog, or I’m stuck in a bramble bush looking for a greyhound on Gower!

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WE haven’t reached the point where I am losing sleep over it, but much of my brain’s declining capacity seems to be given over to the problem of holly berries this week.

Why are holly berries a problem?

Well, the problem is there aren’t any on the tree in my garden!

And a near neighbour reports a similar problem, so is there something of a holly berry crisis this Christmas?

Our tree usually provides a bumper crop of bright red berries, producing just the sort of decorative material for festive displays. In fact, we usually end up giving away bunches of the stuff to our neighbours.

This year, neighbours will have to look elsewhere for holly to decorate their Christmas wreathes and front doors.

Holly has, of course, long been associated with winter and Christmas celebrations. The evergreen leaves symbolise eternal life, while the red berries are said to represent the blood of Christ.

Druids believed holly possessed protective qualities and brought good luck (very necessary for today, Friday the 13^th). Holly was also associated with fertility and used as a charm against evil spirits.

There’s an old wives’ tale that suggests lots of berries on a holly tree indicate the arrival of a hard winter. So, does the absence of berries mean that this winter will be mild? Time will tell.

The berry issue continually crops up during conversations with my equally berry-less neighbour (yes, we have too much time on our hands, but it’s better than discussing geopolitics and the Middle East!).

Doing the research, we have discovered that holly trees are dioecious, meaning that male and female flowers grow on separate plants. Only female holly trees produce berries.

History has established that my neighbour and I both have ‘lady’ trees, as they have been full of berries in previous years.

We have ruled out the overnight sex change theory and are now investigating the fact that there must have been a male pollinator tree nearby to provide us with a crop of red berries.

The finger of suspicion is beginning to point at a newly-arrived neighbour who may have chopped down the male pollinator, without fully appreciating the consequences.

My berry-less neighbour says she has a log of chainsaw noises coming from nearby properties (trust me, Neighbourhood Watch and PC Plod are amateurs when compared to holly tree lovers).

I think she may be taking the matter too seriously, but there may be lots of searching questions in the street in the week before Christmas when neighbours start asking for their usual bunches of festive holly!

THERE was a time when I was regarded as something of a ‘stickler’ for dress codes.

In the days when I sat in the editor’s chair, it was a case of woe betide any male trainee reporter who turned up for work without a jacket and tie.

Female journalists were excused the jacket and tie regime, but they had to be smartly dressed.

And some of my old trainees are still dining out on the tale of how I once sent a photographer home after he turned up (in the middle of a heatwave, it must be said) in a pair of khaki shorts.

Today, of course, I take a more relaxed approach to dress codes. Whisper it, but even my Rotary Club in Llanelli, no longer requires collar and tie for dinner.

The ‘less stuffy’ approach is being adopted (gradually) by politicians and civic leaders, many of our male leaders choosing (on appropriate occasions) to ditch the tie.

The ladies, of course, have more scope when selecting their fashion statements, so it was interesting to see the fallout this week from Neath and Swansea East MP Carolyn Harris’s appearance at Prime Minister’s Questions in the House of Commons on Wednesday.

Mrs Harris has always had an unconventional approach to fashion and I’ve lost count of the different colours she’s used on her hairstyle since becoming an MP back in 2015.

For PMQs, Mrs Harris sported purple hair and a black T-shirt and leather jacket.

Perhaps predictably, some took to social media to criticise Mrs Harris for her choice of attire.

Equally predictably, a couple of ‘political commentators’ waded into the debate by criticising Mrs Harris on something called GB News (a colleague tells me this is a TV channel nobody watches).

A chap called Lee Harris launched into a scathing tirade against the Welsh Labour deputy leader – calling for her ejection from the Commons over her “disrespectful” attire.

“The House of Commons really has gone downhill over the years,” Lee Harris said. “This Labour MP could at least show some respect and wear something smart. It’s very clear she showed a shocking lack of respect for the House.

“She shouldn’t have been called to speak, but Lindsay Hoyle (The Speaker) called her anyway. She really should have been ejected from the chamber.”

Conservative author and academic Adrian Hilton said: “What would the Commons Speaker say if a male MP turned up looking like a Dick Emery biker in a leather jacket over a pink/black T-shirt?”

In my view, Messrs Harris and Hilton need to take a few chill pills and go for a blood pressure check.

Getting noticed is the name of the game when it comes to PMQs and catching The Speaker’s eye in a packed chamber of more than 600 MPs is what counts when it comes to the weekly lottery of posing a question to the Prime Minister.

The important bit is not the dress sense of the MP, but the message they want to convey to the House

And, with that objective in mind, it was ‘job done’ by Mrs Harris on Wednesday.

She managed to highlight the fine work she is helping coordinate on the Everyone Deserves a Christmas campaign – and the Christmas single she has released with Mal Pope.

Mrs Harris even joked that she was No3 in the list of MPs called to table a question in the Commons, but she hoped to be No1 in the charts by Christmas!

On that subject, you can vote for the Mal Pope and Carolyn Harris single on the Heritage Charts website at https://uk.surveymonkey.com/r/522BLGP

Meanwhile, for those of you who are keen followers of hair styles, the latest news is that I’m off to see my friendly local barber, David.

Or, as we like to call him in these parts, ‘Dye The Barber’.

PS: If you want to see Carolyn Harris’s appearance at PMQs, then go to Mal Pope’s Twitter page at https://x.com/malpope

AND here we go again . . . the annual “Kill the Poinsettia Plant” event is under starter’s orders in the Lloyd Household.

Regular readers of this column will know that, each year, I plead guilty to ‘Poinsettiacide’.

In previous years, some of my poinsettia purchases have only just managed to make to Christmas. Some have survived into the new year. In 2022, the poinsettia established a new record by staying alive into January.

Last year, following advice from a reader, the poinsettia lasted until springtime.

My learned colleague Marc (Chalky) White, the man responsible for designing most of this paper, suggested an elegant solution a couple of years back – “The poinsettia secret is buy a plastic one! Had ours for years and looks as fresh as yesterday. Looks real, too!”

Last year, Pauline O’Brien, from Bonymaen in Swansea, provided me with some sound advice –

“I have one every November 20 as a present from my family. I have always loved a poinsettia, but, like you say, they are hard to keep.

“However, I have kept one from November to August – and every year I have it until July.

“My ‘recipe’ is to find a draught-proof spot; it seems to like the sun. I put it every year in the same spot. I water it once a week (every Sunday) and it likes tepid water. I put a small milk jug full and I truly believe it is the answer to

how I can keep it so long.

“I know I shouldn’t advertise, but it has always come from Marks and Spencer!”

Other stores (and garden centres) are, of course, available should you wish to start your own bid to assassinate a poinsettia plant.

The betting in the Lloyd household is that, given favourable conditions and loving attention, the latest poinsettia will make it through to Easter. I’ll keep you posted . . .

YES, folks, it’s that time of year again – Pantomime season!

One of the most eagerly-anticipated pantomimes in west Wales is the show staged by Theatrau Sir Gâr / Carmarthenshire Theatres at The Lyric in Carmarthen.

This year, it is the turn of Beauty and the Beast, which will run from December 12-29.

The festive favourite promises to be a spectacular show filled with magical moments, plenty of laughs, and all the panto fun that families have come to love.

Following on from the success of last year’s pantomime (seen by nearly 8,000 local people), Beauty and the Beast will be produced in-house again by the Theatrau Sir Gâr team, in arrangement with the renowned pantomime producing company, Imagine Theatre.

This year’s Beauty and the Beast cast includes three Carmarthenshire-born cast members.

The line-up includes Steve Elias as the hilarious and larger-than-life Dame Sylvia Scrub-it, Carwyn Glyn as the lovable sidekick Sammy Scrub-it and Ceri-Anne Thomas as the beautiful and kind-hearted Belle.

Jonathan Alden stars as both the dashing Prince and the fearsome Beast.

There will be a ‘relaxed’ performance of Beauty and the Beast on December 27 at 6pm and a BSL signed performance on December 15, 6pm. There are also selected daytime performances in the last two weeks of term for school audiences. Full details are available on the website or by calling the box office.

For ticket information and booking, please visit www.theatrausirgar.co.uk or contact the Box Office on 0345 226 3510.

At the Miner’s Theatre (Glowyr), Ammanford Community Theatre will be back with their latest fun family Christmas pantomime, Scrooge the Panto!

This brand new panto version of the classic Christmas story, A Christmas Carol, is for all ages.

The show is filled with lots of laughter, classic characters, new characters, singing, dancing and lots of Christmas!

It’s a show that goes from Bah Humbug to a Big Warm Hug!

Tickets are £10 and £8, Performances run from December 6-8.

Llanelli Musical Theatre Group present the traditional family pantomime Mother Goose in Stiwdio Stepney at the Ffwrnes Theatre

Following on from two sell-out pantomimes (Aladdin and Puss In Boots), Mother Goose runs from December 19-23.

Tickets are available online at https://www.theatrausirgar.co.uk/en/shows/mother-goose or by calling Theatrau Sir Gar Box Office on 0345 226 3510

Tickets are £12 each, or £45 for a group of four.

The annual Friendship Theatre Group pantomime in Llanelli runs from January9-26 at Ffwrnes Theatre, Llanelli.

This year’s panto is Sleeping Beauty, with its magical land of castles, fairies, dragons, and spinning wheels!

The enchanting tale sees the beautiful Princess Aurora prick her finger on a spinning wheel that has been cursed by the evil enchantress, making her sleep for 100 years. Only true love’s kiss can break the curse and wake the princess.

Will she find her true love and live happily ever after?

The fabulous family pantomime at Ffwrnes Theatre Llanelli is set to be a laugh-a-minute extravaganza with stunning sets, top musical hits, fantastic costumes and exciting special effects to keep audiences both young and old entertained!

Premium Performances: (Fri, Sat, Sun) full price: £16, concession £14, family booking £56 Group 10+ £14 (auto discounts in cart when 10+ tickets are added).

Standard Performances: (Tues, Weds, Thurs) full price £14, concession £12, family booking £48 Group 10+ £12 (auto discounts in cart when 10+ tickets are added), Group 25+ £10 (must be booked through the Box Office).

BSL-interpreted performance: Tuesday January 14, 6.30pm – Anthony Evans BSL Interpreter. Relaxed performance: Tuesday January 21, 6:30pm

Ammanford Youth Theatre and the young performers from Starquest Children’s Community Theatre Group present their Christmas pantomime, Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs at the Miner’s Theatre in Ammanford.

The two young community theatre groups, made up of more than 100 children, meet on a weekly basis, and are excited to perform their fun-filled pantomime this festive season.

Tickets £9 and £8. The show runs from January 3-5.

This year’s pantomime at Pontyberem Memorial Hall will be Aladdin. It will run from January 8-12 and tickets are available through the TicketSource website – https://www.ticketsource.co.uk/

St Elli Parish Church in Llanelli town centre will be the venue on Friday evening for a festive concert staged by popular singer Chris Judd Caine.

Chris promises an evening of Christmas music in a concert which starts at 7pm.

Tickets are £6.50 and are available from the TicketSource website or from Chris on 07568 542768.

Llanelli District Music and Drama Club will present their Christmas Charity Concert (in aid of Tyisha Food Bank) at St Elli Parish Church on Friday, December 15, 7pm.

The concert will feature The Celtic Sinfonia – Director, Edward Skinner; Leader, Paul Lewis.

The programme includes Troika (Prokofiev), Sleigh Ride (Leroy Anderson), Sleigh Ride (Mozart), Toy Symphony (Mozart), Gabriel’s Oboe (Ennio Morricone).

Tickets: £5 at the door or call Edward Skinner 07575 754 764.

In the Gwendraeth Valley, there’s a busy schedule of events coming up at Pontyberem Memorial Hall.

On Saturday, December 7, there is a Triple Tribute evening, featuring The Valli Boys, The Take That Show and a Neil Sedaka tribute act. Tickets are £15.50 and it starts at 7pm.

Saturday, December 14, sees a ‘Christmas At The Hall’ event, featuring Ed Sheeran and Meat Loaf tribute acts and the popular Cover Notes band. Tickets are £20.50 and the show starts at 7.30pm.

Tickets are available through the TicketSource website – https://www.ticketsource.co.uk/

Looking further ahead, Carmarthen tenor and BBC radio star Wynne Evans will be bringing his Christmas Special to Llanelli’s Ffwrnes Theatre on December 20.

Tickets are £40.50.

THE annual Llanelli Rotary Club Young Musician of the Year competition saw singers and instrumentalists battle it out at Greenfield Chapel in the town centre.

The competition was the first stage in a national competition to find the Young Musician of the Year in both vocal and instrumental categories.

Llanelli Rotary Club President Cerith Owens said: “Rotary International in Great Britain and Ireland believes it is highly important to encourage and develop creativity in young people and the young musician competition is one of a number of ways in which we can nurture talent.

“The young musician competition in Llanelli has been running for nearly 10 years, with a short break for the coronavirus pandemic. During that time, we have been hugely entertained and impressed by the young talent on display in the two categories of the competition.

“This year’s competition was of a very high standard and we would urge schools and music teachers across the area to pencil next autumn into their diaries as we want to make sure as many youngsters as possible get their chance to take part in this prestigious Rotary competition in 2025.”

The winner of the vocal competition was Jasper Caradog-Hollett, aged 14, of Bishopston Comprehensive School. His piano accompanist was Piet Zorn.

The runner-up was Elsie Evans, aged eight, of Halfway School, Llanelli. Elsie had been entered for the competition by Music Factory Wales. She is the youngest contestant to have ever taken part in Llanelli Rotary’s competition. Elsie’s piano accompanist was Melody Shads.

Jasper’s programme included Panis Angelicus (Franck), Af i draw gyda ‘nhad i arhedig (Jeffreys) and Apres un reve (Faure)

The instrumental category winner was violinist Evalina-Yeva Mukulska, aged 12, of Bishop Vaughan School, Swansea. The runner-up was her sister, guitarist Marria-Anastasia Mukulska, aged 16, of Bishop Vaughan School.

Evalina-Yeva’s programme included Buruhmtes Menuett ( Mozart) and a variation on the theme of an Ukrainian folk song.

Evalina-Yeva and Marria-Anastasia are both former pupils of Lviv State Children’s Music School in Ukraine.

The trophies and certificates were presented by Llanelli Rotary Club President Mr Owens. The judges were D Eifion Thomas, musical director of Meibion Elli male voice choir, and Susan Roberts, trustee of Loud Applause Rising Stars. The MC was Robert Lloyd.

Mr Owens added: “A big thank-you goes to the Deacons at Greenfield Chapel for allowing the use of the chapel for the competition and for the many members of Llanelli Rotary Club who worked hard behind the scenes to make sure the competition ran as smoothly as possible.”

The winners now go forward to district finals which will be held in the new year.

Photos show (left to right) –

* Jasper Caradog-Hollet, Cerith Owens, Evalina-Yeva Mukulska.

* Elsie Evans, Marria-Anastasia Mukulska, Jasper Caradog-Hollet, Cerith Owens, Evalina-Yeva Mukulska.

* Susan Roberts, Elsie Evans, Marria-Anastasia Mukulska, Jasper Caradog-Hollet, Cerith Owens, Evalina-Yeva Mukulska, D Eifion Thomas.

TIME was when I was young enough (and twp enough!) to talk about making a ‘fox pass’.

As a young cub reporter, I even committed the cardinal sin of scribbling ‘fox pass’ in a news story.

My editor at the time stopped short of a sharp rap across the knuckles with a metal ‘em’ ruler, but the verbal dressing down in the newsroom was enough to make sure I got the message that a ‘fox pass’ is a ‘faux pas’.

Faux pas literally means ‘false step’ in French, and that’s a great description of what you do when you make a faux pas.

Some dictionaries describe a ‘faux pas’ as meaning a significant or embarrassing error or mistake. In other words, a blunder, a gaffe or a mistake.

In 50 years of scribbling, I’ve made several blunders.

In fact, during just the last fortnight, I’ve managed to make three. So, if you do that maths, I reckon my faux pas career tally may well be approaching the five digits mark.

My three ‘faux pas’ (if that is the correct plural of the phrase) included making an eight-year-old cry, ‘probably’ offending an international rugby player and ‘definitely’ being rude to a charity volunteer.

Let’s start with the eight-year-old.

I was wearing my compere hat for a Young Musician competition being staged at a chapel.

Before the competition started, I was doing my best to help the different competitors relax into the occasion, making sure they had enough rehearsal time and giving them a preview of the stage area.

All was going well until I escorted the eight-year-old, her mum and accompanist to the stage area. I hadn’t banked on the youngster being intimidated by the size of the auditorium and, just as I uttered the words “And this is where you will be performing”, she burst into tears.

Thankfully, mum and accompanist rescued the day and some kind words were enough to restore her composure and she went on to perform brilliantly in the competition.

Next, let’s take the international rugby player.

One of my regular duties these days is taking daughter and three-year-old grand-daughter to various soft play venues around Swansea and Llanelli.

Visiting one on the Tuesday before the Wales v South Africa game, I was sat in the ball pit, concentrating on my grand-daughter and oblivious to the chap seated nearby in a dark tracksuit.

While throwing plastic balls about, I started explaining (in a loud voice) to my daughter that I’d been offered free tickets to the Wales v South Africa game at the Principality Stadium in Cardiff.

This may not be a verbatim account of my words, but I think I said something along the lines of ‘Free tickets! You couldn’t pay me to go and see Wales now. They’re rubbish. Australia slaughtered them and South Africa are going to hammer them. I can’t be bothered to trek to Cardiff to see that rubbish.”

My daughter didn’t seem that keen on engaging on that topic of conversation.

It was only when we exited the soft play that she explained, “You do realise that you were sounding off about Wales being rubbish in front of Kieran Hardy, the Ospreys and Wales scrum-half.”

Oh dear, never mind.

I consoled myself with the thought that perhaps he hadn’t heard me.

Finally, on the faux pas front, we come to the charity volunteer.

When it comes to emails, I can scribble a world class 300-word whinge.

I am, however, sometimes pressed for time (living in a world of imminent deadlines), so I can be forgiven (I hope) for pressing the ‘reply’ button on an email rather than the ‘forward’ one.

Such actions have consequences (as those who have committed a similar faux pas can tell you). The 300-word whinge (sent to the wrong person) has now been followed by a 301-word apology.

Oh dear, never mind . . .

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KIDS today, eh? You might tut every now and again, but for every tut there’s an occasion when they leave you gobsmacked.

One such occasion was Tuesday night, when I was lucky enough to help organise a Young Chef competition for Llanelli Rotary Club at Coedcae School.

The competition was one of several events organised by Rotary nationwide to help encourage and develop creativity in young people.

The competitors were between the ages of 12 and 14 – and, boy, did they know how to get creative.

The winner served up a main course of pan fired prawn garlic and lemon risotto with a nut crumb, followed by a dessert described as ‘baked cinnamon pear burrata tower served on a bed of crunch pistachio crumb and a sprinkle of pomegranate seeds’.

The judges were Katie Duffy, resident chef at Llanelli’s Halfway Hotel, and Hamish Burns, head chef and restaurant owner at The Moathouse in Kidwelly.

After they had completed their tasting, I confess I grabbed a fork and spoon and sampled both dishes. They were, of course, delicious.

Other contestants produced inspired dishes such as ‘rich tomato and aubergine ratatouille served on a bed of spaghetti, seasoned with fresh basil’ and ‘pan-seared chicken breast in a garlic, cream and herb sauce, topped with asparagus and a thin and crisp roast potato, served with naan bread’.

Just to check the judges had made the correct decision, I did, of course, have to sample all seven mains and seven starters served up by the contestants.

My verdict? All seven youngsters are potential MasterChef competitors.

And my final thought: At the age of 14, I couldn’t boil and egg, so I remain gobsmacked with the talent displayed by the kids of today.

Photo: Llanelli Rotary Club President Cerith Owens, with Young Chef competition judges Hamish Burns and Katie Duffy, winner Jake Gilmore and runner-up Millie Woods.

A WISE man once declared, “You can live to be a 100 if you give up all things that make you want to live to be a 100.”

OK, I’ll pause there, as it wasn’t a very wise man. It was film director Woody Allen who said it – and he doesn’t get into the Top Three of Wise Men in my book.

But . . . that doesn’t mean I don’t agree with the essence of what he said, particularly as I am now in the ‘pensionable age’ bracket.

You name it, and I’ve got it – free bus pass, senior railway card, a stent in the ticker, a multi-tiered pillbox for all my medicines, dodgy knees and arthritis in the ankles.

With the discounted travel cards, I could hatch an escape plan, but I suspect the legs would let me down and I wouldn’t get very far.

Sometimes, I think the travel option may be over-rated as the world seems to come to me, via unsolicited mail and publicity flyers through the letterbox and unwanted emails through the electronic inbox.

For example, this week started badly with two flyers. The first suggested I take up the offer of an ‘open day’ visit to a nearby old people’s home. The second was a prompt to enrol with Pure Cremation, ‘the UK’s favourite funeral plan’. Other plans, are, of course available, but I still don’t understand how anyone can have a ‘favourite’ funeral plan.

Meanwhile, on a cheerier note, the good folk at Saga have been bombarding me with holiday offers and new deals on car insurance. It’s always nice looking at the pictures of the holidays. As far as the car insurance goes, I have replied to ask if they do deals on mobility scooters.

On the email front, it appears I have a lot more work to do on getting my spam filter settings tweaked on my inbox.

On Tuesday, a special offer landed from Hidden Hearing (other brands are available). ‘Get £2000 off a pair of our top-of-the-range hearing aids when you trade in an old pair’, it offered. That will be a ‘pass’ as I don’t have hearing aids at present, but Mrs L did suggest I visit some flea markets, pick up an old pair and see if I can ‘trade in’.

With a sense of timing which makes me wonder if my Alexa ‘voice-activated device’ is listening to my daily moans, an email arrived asking, ‘Does sitting make your back ache?’

Apparently, with the ‘Backfriend’ lightweight back support, I could get ‘positional relief from back pain wherever I sit’. Handy pictures illustrate it is light and portable and can be used ‘at home, driving, working, or relaxing’. There is no picture which suggests you can take it down the pub.

Sticking with taking care of the body, a Japanese firm emailed, suggesting I can ‘get rid of agonising foot pain without expensive medical bills’. Apparently, ‘acupressure insoles give the insoles a gentle massage with every step you take’. I am unclear whether they must be used while listening to a hit song by The Police. Also, they give the impression the sensation may be like walking on a pebble beach. So, that’s a pass from me, then.

On Wednesday, the email inbox was positively bulging with suggested purchases and free offers.

With respect to the Cardigan members of my family, I investigated the free offers first.

One posed the question – ‘Worried about diabetes at Christmas?’ Well, I wasn’t really concerned. But, now you come to mention it, yes, I’m worried. The free booklet offering ‘tips and advice for enjoying the festive period’ has been ordered and is on its way.

Also in the ‘that could be handy’ bracket was a special offer for a mobile phone designed for us ‘oldies’ – one with a simple interface for phone, messages and contacts and without the 500 apps and complicated clutter of most mobiles.

By all accounts, the new Samsung Galaxy A05s Easology Smartphone (other mobiles are available) has been specially designed for ease of use. Anything which stops me ‘pocket phoning’ the doctors’ surgery four times a day has got to be a good thing, right?

Meanwhile, on the personal hygiene front, a catalogue has arrived from a mobility firm offering special deals on walk-in-showers, baths and wet rooms.

It’s been placed on my reading desk, just underneath the 64-page brochure from a firm called Independence.

The entertainment value of this catalogue is very high as it offers devices to help easily open jars and wash your hair without water!

The telescopic back scratcher and the full-page magnifier have already been circled in blue pen.

The jury, however, is definitely out on ‘Cecil – All-in-one safety pants’.

The advert says that the ‘machine washable’ white pants have a lightly padded absorbent gusset and waterproof lining to provide total security for occasional ‘minor leaks’.

The pants ‘absorb up to 175ml of ‘liquid (about a teacup)’.

That’s a very specific piece of information for the home shopper, but I suspect that the person who sent me the catalogue may just be taking the p . . .

The bombardment of ‘oldie’ advertising may sometimes be overwhelming, but there are occasions when it is more entertaining than prime-time TV.

I must conclude with Theodore Roosevelt’s famous quote – “Old age is like everything else. To make a success of it, you’ve got to start young.”