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The latest Phil Evans column

Phil Evans

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The latest Phil Evans column

Posted By Robert Lloyd

Comedian Phil Evans is from Ammanford. He is known as the man who puts the ‘cwtsh’ into comedy. Website – www.philevans.co.uk

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While I’ve been practicing my skiing skills, I’ve been thinking about something else that’s going downhill fast.

Breakfast Television.

If you watch any or all of the threebreakfast TV shows, you’ll know that one has a roster of presenters so personality-free they’re practically invisible, who alternate reading lines from the autocue, occasionally turning around to talk to the weather lady on the giant TV behind their red sofa.

The banter between them is so contrived it makes an Agatha Christie plot seem simple.

On another channel (which rhymes with ‘Sigh’- something I do whenever I tune in) they absolutely love‘Breaking News’.

Thankfully, 90% of these interruptions are just an excuse to give the presenters a break from delivering the same news items every 15 minutes.

And then . . . there’s Good Morning Britain– a show built around extended ads for competitions offering huge cash prizes and luxury cars.

Throw in some lightweight interviews, showbiz gossip and Piers Morgan talking loudly over everyone else and it’s harmless fluff.

Well, I thought so until last week, when, throughout their Valentine’s Day edition, viewers were promised a ‘Celebrity Wedding’would be happening ‘Live’ on the show.

Exciting?

I nearly had a second round of toast!

However, when it was time to introduce the celebrity couple, it seems their flight from L.A. was delayed, because instead of two famous faces, on walked a spray-tanned couple I’d never heard of, from a ‘reality’ show I’ve never seen, both dressed in white.

When I say ‘dressed’, she was wearing a white bikini andhewas wearing white shorts.

But, to show he was taking his marriage vows seriously, he also wore a black bow tie.

As I reached for the remote to switch off, I heard a strange noise coming from my TV.

It was the bottom of a barrel being scraped . . .

From now on, it’s BBC Radio Wales for me every morning.

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Winter escape:

This week’s column has come to you from the top of a glacier in Zinal, a beautiful part of Switzerland.

Now this is where technology makes life easy for me and allows me to operate without any of the stress of meeting my editor’s deadlines.

The views are breath-taking and this puts me in the ideal mood to come up with some creative writing without too many distractions.

We are 2,800 metres above sea level, snow has fallen almost every day for the past month and continues to do so.

Transportation is good, buses and cars are running as normal.

The local shops are well stocked with fresh food.

Bread and milk are in abundance and there is no sign of any panic buying.

The temperature here is well below freezing, but the local residents and visitors alike are thoroughly enjoying the winter season and all that it brings.

Clearly, if this was happening back home, we would all be in ‘shut down’ mode and a state of chaos and panic.

Right, that’s enough taking the piste, I’m off to build an igloo!

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You can follow Phil Evans on Twitter @philevanswales and www.philevans.co.uk

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