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The latest Phil Evans column

Phil Evans

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The latest Phil Evans column

Posted By Robert Lloyd

Comedian Phil Evans is from Ammanford. He is known as the man who puts the ‘cwtsh’ into comedy. Website – www.philevans.co.uk

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Having just returned from my holidays, I’m feeling relaxed, refreshed and (at least for a short while) I don’t have a care in the world.

Unlike one of my neighbours, who’s been completely bald for years and doesn’t have a hair in the world.

I understand that nothing much happened while I was away – except an earthquake!

It started with a low rumble in Tumble.

They felt its power down the Gower.

A window pane went ‘crack’ in a greenhouse near Clydach.

And a tree began to bend in a garden in Bridgend.

I did consider entering some of my poetry in the Eisteddfod, completing my application in the form of a poem so it would stand out from all the others.

But, ironically, I couldn’t think of a word that rhymes with Eisteddfod.

Joking aside, depending where you were at the time, the earthquake was pretty scary.

Two Carmarthen fellahs, having difficulty keeping vertical after a lunchtime drinking session, were violently knocked back on their feet.

Something else earth-shattering happened while I was on holiday.

KFC ran out of chickens.

Yes, the fast-food chain Kentucky Fried Chicken, which specialises in fried chicken meals, was unable to sell fried chicken meals because they didn’t have any chickens to fry.

Apparently, they had problems with a new delivery firm and, until it was resolved, no chickens could cross the road.

Several newspapers reported that some KFC fans were so distraught they were unable to get their regular fix of eating fried chicken out of a bucket that they called the police!

Wondering exactly whatthese people thought the police could possibly do about it kept me awake all night.

In fact, I was still awake at seven’o’clock, so drove to my local McDonalds to try one of their new giant burgers for breakfast.

Guess what?

They’d sold out of them the week I was on holiday!

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Prince Charles and the NHS:

Looking at life and situations from various angles can be a benefit and a curse.

Let me give you an example:

Over the past year or so I have visited friends and relatives at Morriston Hospital and, without doubt, the NHS staff, doctors, surgeons and support workers do a grand job.

However, we are all more than aware that the NHS continues to face cashflow and funding challenges.

Each time I have visited, I overhear many conversations relating to the lack of suitable parking facilities and, most recently, the state of the main entrance windows.

Maybe cashflow prevents the employment of regular window cleaner?

Interesting.

Last week, Morriston Hospital was blessed with the appearance of HRH Prince Charles, the Prince of Wales.

There was much excitement surrounding the visit and photo opportunities for all.

Clearly, to many, Charles’ visit was enthusiastically welcomed.

But my thinking was this:

How difficult was it for him and his huge entourage to find a parking space?

Did they have to drive around for 40 minutes, which is what I had to do a few weeks back?

And . . . wait for it . . . how did the hospital miraculously manage to find the funds needed to clean the hospital windows in readiness for the Royal visit?

They don’t do that when I visit!

My pals over in Dafen, Llanelli, tell me a similar spring clean operation happened over at the Wales Air Ambulance HQ, where flower beds, flagpoles and other assorted decorative items were spruced up in advance of the Prince’s visit.

I wonder if the Prince is really bothered about all the effort that goes into the preparation for his visits. My guess is he might be happier if the charity and health money was better spent on the ‘frontline’ services.

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You can follow Phil Evans on Twitter @philevanswales and www.philevans.co.uk

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