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The latest Phil Evans column

Phil Evans

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The latest Phil Evans column

Posted By Robert Lloyd

Comedian Phil Evans is from Ammanford. He is known as the man who puts the ‘cwtsh’ into comedy. Website – www.philevans.co.uk


We are being conned again:

If we’re angry about something, we can argue about it until we’re blue in the face.

Smurfs must be permanently cheesed-off.

I get blue-faced angry with retailers who refer to their ‘customers’, while secretly regarding them as ‘cash cows’ to be mercilessly squeezed of every penny.

It’s usually early September when my faced adopts a blue tinge.

On the first day, I wander into a supermarket and find Halloween-related tat, November 5thfireworks and Christmas cards and wrapping on sale all in the same aisle.

This money-grabbing greediness is the closest retailers can get to stopping customers at the door and demanding they hand over the contents of their wallets and purses before telling them to come back next week with more dosh.

You might think that sounds ridiculous – but last week I read about a new (at least it is to me) product supermarkets have created to part us from our hard-earned.

Easter Trees!

How have we managed to celebrate Easter for hundreds of years without placing a stick of wood with rabbit-shaped baubles hanging from its spindly branches on top of the sideboard?

Waitrose, Tesco and Sainsbury’s are charging around £15 for a two-foot tree – maths geniuses will have calculated that’s £7.50 a foot!

While a company called Party Pieces, owned by the Duchess of Cambridge’s parents, is selling Easter Trees for £19.99.

Get behind me in the queue!

But there’s more!

You can now buy carrot-shaped Easter Crackers!

Unlike the Christmas variety, they don’t contain novelties because, according to one retailer who will remain nameless – but not shameless – “It allows purchasers to insert their own little gifts!”

How generous.

A ‘spokesperson’ for one retailer selling these unnecessary Easter items said:“They appeal to people keen on creating new traditions!”.

Hey! I’ve got a new tradition!

It’s called “Let’s not fall for retailers’ spin and save our money!”


Cold snap:

I don’t know about you but over the past couple of weeks I’ve had some trouble warming up.

At this rate I will be digging out the thermal underwear garments which have been hidden away up until now following last winter’s holiday.

On Saturday evening, I couldn’t help but notice that the majority of the punters frequenting Wind Street in Swansea were wearing next to nothing.

Yes – bare legs and flimsy tops and certainly no fur coats.

And the women were just as bad!

Don’t get me wrong: extremely fashion conscious, but zero practicality.

It’s now dawned on me that I’m at an age where comfort and practicality takes precedent over fashion.

Boring to some, I know, but I’d rather be warm and happy than cold and miserable.

Please don’t say that I’m alone on this?

For the record, it must have been cold last weekend.

As I passed my local councillor, I observed he had his hands in his own pockets.

Just sayin’ . . .


You can follow Phil Evans on Twitter @philevanswales and www.philevans.co.uk

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