TV COPS ARE ON THE PHONE MORE THAN ON THE BEAT
I intended telling you about the Olympic trampolinist who, immediately after his long-term girlfriend left him, married on the rebound.
But I’ve parked it in the layby of undeveloped articles, because I’ve created a new TV cop series.
Yes, there’s already too many ‘police procedural dramas’ (as they are referred to in TV Land), but when I tell you my idea, you’ll wonder why you didn’t think of it.
You might also wonder, “Surely a busy man like Phil Evans has better things to do with his time?”
The idea came to me after watching one of those 1950s, black and white “Scotland Yard” films – based on true stories – on Talking Pictures TV, just before I watched a new ITV cop show.
I won’t bother naming it, because, with honourable exceptions, the titles and storylines of all TV cop shows are pretty much interchangeable.
In the “Scotland Yard” mystery, the crime was solved by detectives doggedly sifting through evidence; uninformed officers making endless door-to-door enquiries; and information received from ‘coppers’ narks’.
This was in stark contrast to the modern show, in which every scene included a moment when a cop either made or took a call on their mobile or received a text/WhatsApp message.
Whatever information was exchanged moved the story on to a crime scene, or a new suspect, or (yawn) the main cop’s home where some predictable domestic drama was unfolding.
As mobile phones play such a major part in today’s cop shows, I’ve created the ultimate TV crime fighter of the future . . .
Inspector Keypad!
He’s a street cred, no nonsense, man-size phone with arms and legs, which makes him really mobile.
And he solves crimes by communicating with the mobile phones of criminals, purely by thought waves.
If you think that sounds ridiculous, just remember that the exploits of a detective called Vera, who has an annoying manner, a battered old hat permanently welded to her head and, in reality, would have retired 20 years ago. She’s regularly watched by seven million people!
And don’t get me started on the bonkers “Midsomer Murders”!
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Words never fail me
Those sharp-witted readers among you will undoubtedly realise that my newspaper column has been going strong since June 2014.
When I was unexpectedly approached to become a regular contributor to this esteemed local paper, I was taken aback and honoured.
Honestly, I hadn’t even considered adding column writing to my already impressive repertoire!
At first, I wasn’t sure if I could consistently deliver content with stringent deadlines. And let’s not forget, the media devours material at an astonishing pace.
And then there was the issue of technology: how many ink ribbons would I require for my ancient typewriter each week? It was a conundrum, to say the least.
But I’m delighted to say that I embraced the challenge.
The incredible letters and positive feedback I receive (not just from readers in Wales, but also from as far as Canada and America) make it all worthwhile.
During my travels, I encounter a myriad of captivating characters with fascinating stories.
Without them, this space would probably be overrun with more adverts than you can shake a stick at.
So, here’s to the power of words and the colourful tapestry they weave!
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