Click Bait, Runner Beans and A Funny To Finish!
While taking a break from researching quirky showbiz stories that might tickle your funny bone, I saw something on my not-very-smart phone that tickled mine – though it wasn’t supposed to.
While reading a news story on my ‘phone, a ‘breaking news’ headline appeared that must have had the entire nation enthralled, anxious to read the full story.
Well, if not the entire nation, it might have caused a flicker of interest with Mrs. Betty Evans, of Fishguard Harbour.
Betty, thanks for the runner beans which you left on my front doorstep, by the way.
Unfortunately, next door’s incontinent ginger tomcat did something unsavoury to them before I got home, so I couldn’t bring myself to eat them, as I’m sure you’ll understand.
However, my Uncle Cledwyn took them home and later phoned me from his hospital bed to say they were delicious.
The note you attached said they were picked from your garden, but the yellow Morrison’s sticker I found amongst the beans, stating they were reduced to 60 pence as they were past their sell by date, told a different story,
Still, it’s the thought that counts.
However small that thought might be.
Anyway, the ‘shocking’ headline that popped up on my phone was . . .
“This Morning TV studio descends into chaos during segment on hanging baskets!”
Summoning up all my willpower, I held back from investigating this piece of ‘click bait’, for surely that’s what it was, aimed at luring people into reading more brain-sapping stories.
If it wasn’t ‘click bait’, someone actually thought the world would be interested to know the ‘This Morning’ studio descended into chaos during an item on hanging baskets!
Unless a presenter emptied the contents of a hanging basket over a guest, what possible chaos could it descend into?
No. Please don’t write and tell me.
I’ve almost run out of space for quirky showbiz stories, but I must squeeze this one in.
Alan Bennett (recently 90) apparently asked friends to overhear conversations and report back any he might make use of in his writings.
A particularly favourite was . . .
“Since I bought that sundial last year, it’s paid for itself!”
……………………………….
As I sit in my Speedos, staring wistfully at my paddling pool filled with rainwater and a half-charred barbeque, I can’t help but wonder: will this be the year Wales finally gets a proper summer?
The signs are promising, as the weather gurus have declared optimism for the upcoming months.
But as any Welsh resident knows, our sunny days are about as rare as a politician keeping their promises.
But, fear not, my fellow sun-deprived compatriots, for I have a plan.
I shall embark on a quest to find the person responsible for the weather and demand they turn on the sunshine tap for the entirety of summer.
I mean, if I can order groceries and schedule my dentist appointment online, surely controlling the weather can’t be that hard, right?
And who knows, maybe in the future we’ll be able to customise our weather preferences like a Netflix queue. “I’ll take a 75% chance of sunshine with a side of light breeze, please.”
So, dear readers, wish me luck as I set off on my mission to secure a summer filled with nothing but blue skies and ice cream.
And if all else fails, there’s always a cheeky holiday abroad to get our vitamin D fix.
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Comedian Phil Evans is from Ammanford. He is known as the man who puts the ‘cwtsh’ into comedy.
You can follow Phil Evans on Twitter @philevanswales and www.philevans.co.uk
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