Comedian Phil Evans is from Ammanford. He is known as the man who puts the ‘cwtsh’ into comedy. Website – www.philevans.co.uk

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Having just returned from my holidays, I’m feeling relaxed, refreshed and (at least for a short while) I don’t have a care in the world.

Unlike one of my neighbours, who’s been completely bald for years and doesn’t have a hair in the world.

I understand that nothing much happened while I was away – except an earthquake!

It started with a low rumble in Tumble.

They felt its power down the Gower.

A window pane went ‘crack’ in a greenhouse near Clydach.

And a tree began to bend in a garden in Bridgend.

I did consider entering some of my poetry in the Eisteddfod, completing my application in the form of a poem so it would stand out from all the others.

But, ironically, I couldn’t think of a word that rhymes with Eisteddfod.

Joking aside, depending where you were at the time, the earthquake was pretty scary.

Two Carmarthen fellahs, having difficulty keeping vertical after a lunchtime drinking session, were violently knocked back on their feet.

Something else earth-shattering happened while I was on holiday.

KFC ran out of chickens.

Yes, the fast-food chain Kentucky Fried Chicken, which specialises in fried chicken meals, was unable to sell fried chicken meals because they didn’t have any chickens to fry.

Apparently, they had problems with a new delivery firm and, until it was resolved, no chickens could cross the road.

Several newspapers reported that some KFC fans were so distraught they were unable to get their regular fix of eating fried chicken out of a bucket that they called the police!

Wondering exactly whatthese people thought the police could possibly do about it kept me awake all night.

In fact, I was still awake at seven’o’clock, so drove to my local McDonalds to try one of their new giant burgers for breakfast.

Guess what?

They’d sold out of them the week I was on holiday!

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Prince Charles and the NHS:

Looking at life and situations from various angles can be a benefit and a curse.

Let me give you an example:

Over the past year or so I have visited friends and relatives at Morriston Hospital and, without doubt, the NHS staff, doctors, surgeons and support workers do a grand job.

However, we are all more than aware that the NHS continues to face cashflow and funding challenges.

Each time I have visited, I overhear many conversations relating to the lack of suitable parking facilities and, most recently, the state of the main entrance windows.

Maybe cashflow prevents the employment of regular window cleaner?

Interesting.

Last week, Morriston Hospital was blessed with the appearance of HRH Prince Charles, the Prince of Wales.

There was much excitement surrounding the visit and photo opportunities for all.

Clearly, to many, Charles’ visit was enthusiastically welcomed.

But my thinking was this:

How difficult was it for him and his huge entourage to find a parking space?

Did they have to drive around for 40 minutes, which is what I had to do a few weeks back?

And . . . wait for it . . . how did the hospital miraculously manage to find the funds needed to clean the hospital windows in readiness for the Royal visit?

They don’t do that when I visit!

My pals over in Dafen, Llanelli, tell me a similar spring clean operation happened over at the Wales Air Ambulance HQ, where flower beds, flagpoles and other assorted decorative items were spruced up in advance of the Prince’s visit.

I wonder if the Prince is really bothered about all the effort that goes into the preparation for his visits. My guess is he might be happier if the charity and health money was better spent on the ‘frontline’ services.

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You can follow Phil Evans on Twitter @philevanswales and www.philevans.co.uk

The Jenkins Bakery has released details of its Easter range of products.

“There’s something for everyone to enjoy at Easter time,” said the Jenkins Bakery’s operations director Russell Jenkins.

“Our staff always enjoy producing new ideas for Easter and I’m sure our customers will enjoy sampling the products we have on offer.”

The Easter range includes –

CHOCOLATE SPRING NEST £1.25

Moist chocolate Swiss Roll enrobed with chocolate and decorated with mini chocolate eggs in a nest of chocolate buttercream.

BUNNY KRISPIES £1.25

Our chocolate krispie confectionery with an edible sugar bunny and drizzled with white chocolate.

EASTER BUNNY BISCUIT £1.00

Our top quality shortbread biscuit cut out in a Shape of an Easter Bunny and expertly Hand Decorated.

EASTER BISCUITS £1.50

A rich fruit shortbread biscuit dusted with caster sugar and packed in a gift bag.

EASTER FRUIT CAKE SLICE £1.25

Our delicious rich fruit cake marzipan and ribbed rolled sugar paste a fruit cake lover’s delight!

EASTER CUP CAKE £1.20

Our top quality moist chocolate cupcake hand decorated with a whirl of chocolate and           Easter sugar sprinkles.

BOBTAIL BUNNY BISCUIT £1.00

New for 2018. Our top quality shortbread biscuit with a Easter bunny cut out and decorated with an edible sugar plaque.

EASTER FRUIT CAKE £5.00

Our top quality fruit cake topped with golden marzipan and white sugar paste which is decorated with the inscription: Happy Easter/Pasg Hapus.

St David’s Day (Dydd Gwyl Dewi Sant) is the feast day for Wales’s patron saint, so Llanelli’s biggest bakery is marking the occasion in style.

Jenkins the Bakers will be rolling out patriotic products to make March 1st a real feast.

“There will be a proper Welsh theme to our products before, during and immediately after St David’s Day,” said operations director Russell Jenkins.

“We are already well known for helping to put the accent on all things Welsh at our bakery and our shops – and this year is no exception to the rule as we celebrate St David’s Day.’

Among the products hitting the shops this week are  –

A new ‘Sheep Cupcake’, Welsh Cakes, Bara Brith, Teisin Lap (cake on a plate), A Welsh-themed cupcake, the Welsh Pastie and new Jam Splits.

“We pride ourselves as being a bakery business which knows its customers and we know how people love to celebrate St David’s Day,” added Mr Jenkins.

“All our staff will be dressing up to mark our patron’s day and we take this opportunity of wishing all our customers a very pleasant St David’s Day.”

Product information –

BARA BRITH   £2.65

Bara Brith is a traditional Welsh fruit loaf containing top quality sultanas, mixed peel and spice.

WELSH CUPCAKE £1.10

Our top quality sponge individually hand decorated with a smooth, creamy frosting and a hand finished Sugarpaste daffodil.

WELSH PASTIE  £1.45 OR 2 FOR £2.60

Diced ham, smoked ham & leeks in a creamy cheese sauce encased in our top quality flaky pastry.

GIFT WELSHCAKES  £2.65

10 Mini Welshcakes packed in a gift bag.

PLAIN GIFT WELSHCAKES £2.65

10 Mini Plain Welshcakes packed in a gift bag.

JAM SPLITS £1.60

New for St David’s day 2018. Four Plain Welshcakes split and filled with Raspberry Jam sprinkled with caster sugar.

TEISEN LAP   £2.00

A traditional Welsh favourite, moist Farmhouse fruitcake with a streusel topping.

SHEEP CUPCAKE   £1.20

Another new product for 2018 and one that should be popular with children of all ages.Plain sponge cupcake with a cream topping finished with mini marshmallows and a handmade Sugar paste faces.

• The Jenkins bakery employs 300 people, full and part-time, across 30 different stores in South Wales. The company has the Gold Standard Welsh Food Hygiene Award and the Investors in People award. The business employs 70 people at its Trostre HQ, while the Jenkins shop network stretches from Carmarthen to Bridgend. There are shops throughout Carmarthenshire and even one as far afield as Powys.

Comedian Phil Evans is from Ammanford. He is known as the man who puts the ‘cwtsh’ into comedy. Website – www.philevans.co.uk

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While I’ve been practicing my skiing skills, I’ve been thinking about something else that’s going downhill fast.

Breakfast Television.

If you watch any or all of the threebreakfast TV shows, you’ll know that one has a roster of presenters so personality-free they’re practically invisible, who alternate reading lines from the autocue, occasionally turning around to talk to the weather lady on the giant TV behind their red sofa.

The banter between them is so contrived it makes an Agatha Christie plot seem simple.

On another channel (which rhymes with ‘Sigh’- something I do whenever I tune in) they absolutely love‘Breaking News’.

Thankfully, 90% of these interruptions are just an excuse to give the presenters a break from delivering the same news items every 15 minutes.

And then . . . there’s Good Morning Britain– a show built around extended ads for competitions offering huge cash prizes and luxury cars.

Throw in some lightweight interviews, showbiz gossip and Piers Morgan talking loudly over everyone else and it’s harmless fluff.

Well, I thought so until last week, when, throughout their Valentine’s Day edition, viewers were promised a ‘Celebrity Wedding’would be happening ‘Live’ on the show.

Exciting?

I nearly had a second round of toast!

However, when it was time to introduce the celebrity couple, it seems their flight from L.A. was delayed, because instead of two famous faces, on walked a spray-tanned couple I’d never heard of, from a ‘reality’ show I’ve never seen, both dressed in white.

When I say ‘dressed’, she was wearing a white bikini andhewas wearing white shorts.

But, to show he was taking his marriage vows seriously, he also wore a black bow tie.

As I reached for the remote to switch off, I heard a strange noise coming from my TV.

It was the bottom of a barrel being scraped . . .

From now on, it’s BBC Radio Wales for me every morning.

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Winter escape:

This week’s column has come to you from the top of a glacier in Zinal, a beautiful part of Switzerland.

Now this is where technology makes life easy for me and allows me to operate without any of the stress of meeting my editor’s deadlines.

The views are breath-taking and this puts me in the ideal mood to come up with some creative writing without too many distractions.

We are 2,800 metres above sea level, snow has fallen almost every day for the past month and continues to do so.

Transportation is good, buses and cars are running as normal.

The local shops are well stocked with fresh food.

Bread and milk are in abundance and there is no sign of any panic buying.

The temperature here is well below freezing, but the local residents and visitors alike are thoroughly enjoying the winter season and all that it brings.

Clearly, if this was happening back home, we would all be in ‘shut down’ mode and a state of chaos and panic.

Right, that’s enough taking the piste, I’m off to build an igloo!

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You can follow Phil Evans on Twitter @philevanswales and www.philevans.co.uk

Three popular Welsh comedians are planning to add extra mirth to the inaugural Merthyr Comedy Festival in April.

The ‘Comedy and  Cwtshes’ event at Dowlais Theatre will be held on Saturday, April 14.

Tickets are on sale now via Redhouse – and are going fast.

The evening will feature classic stand-up comedy, with Phil Evans – the man with more pop than a bottle of Corona – in the vanguard of a three-part attack on the funny bones.

The evening will also feature BBC broadcaster Gary Slaymaker and another seasoned radio performer in Aled Richards.

“I always have to watch my words when describing Gary Slaymaker, but it’s fair to say we are three ‘big’ comedy performers in every sense of the word,” said Phil.

“The Apocalypse has its three horsemen, but Welsh comedy has its three joybringers, who promise to bring lorry loads of laughs to the first Merthyr Comedy Festival.”

Spread over two days and around 10 different venues in the town, the festival will showcase a huge range of comedy talent, including some of the biggest stars of the British comedy circuit, rising talent from around the UK, children’s shows, family shows and shows that are a little more adult in their nature.

There promises to be something for everyone across the festival programme.

Phil Evans and Friends with be at Dowlais Theatre between 5pm – 6pm on April 14 for Comedy and Cwtshes.

About Phil Evans:

Phil Evans is a hugely sought-after comedian, writer, newspaper columnist and conference host from the heart of South Wales.

With multiple TV and radio credits to his name at home in the UK, Phil has also performed far and wide, including Oslo, America and Canada.

Phil has recently performed and hosted events in Dublin and Cork for corporate organisations and keeps getting asked back,. He is renowned for his warmth, humour and likeability.

Phil started his comedy career many years back as a TV warm-up artist for the BBC, S4C and HTV/ITV and continues to perform alongside many of the most talented people in entertainment.

With more than 20 years experience, Phil isn’t so much a comic, but more like a force of nature.

Phil is the man who has put the ‘Cwtsh’ back into Welsh comedy.

He is sometimes known as the ‘Hugmeister of Wales’ for his devotion to his favourite topic – the Welsh cwtsh (hug).

If you can spare the time (possibly a week or so), he will explain why a cwtsh should always be spelt as ‘cwtsh’ and not ‘cwtch’.

Press him for further information about how his comedy career started and he will tell you how he left school with 10 GCSEs . . . before the headmaster told him to put them back!

Cheeky, but never crude or offensive, Evans produces a very Welsh brand of humour.

He writes a popular weekly column in the South Wales Evening Post, the Carmarthen Journal and the Llanelli Star newspapers.

He also has a weekly podcast called “The Big Cwtsh’, available now on SoundCloud.

He’s guaranteed to bring ‘mirth’ to Merthyr!

“Phil Evans – the resident ‘Hug-meister’ of Wales . . . the one man who knows how to spell ‘cwtsh’ properly . . .a free-wheeling fun merchant who is close to being a national Welsh treasure”.

Robert Lloyd, media consultant and former newspaper editor.

Website –

www.philevans.co.uk

Twitter @philevanswales

About Aled Richards:

Shit happens. And every cloud has a silver lining, apparently.

So indeed, a major health scare can spawn a whole new comedy routine.

Aled Richards is known for musing over the latest shit things that have happened in his life. You may have seen him on S4C. You may have heard him on Radio Cymru. Or you may not have. You will however be able to hear him in Merthyr. So go along. You may laugh.

Gary Slaymaker:

Gary Slaymaker is a BBC Radio Wales film reviewer, author, comedy writer, and broadcaster . . . which means he’s either quite talented, or can’t keep hold of a single job.

With more than 25 years of experience as a stand-up comedian, he’s managed to upset people all over Britain . . . but mainly his mam.

Gary is completely toilet trained, but does sometimes have trouble with his aiming.

The same is true for his humour.

It’s been a valued institution in Llanelli for more than 40 years.

Now the Llanelli and District Talking Newspaper Association is searching for more volunteers.

The association produces a comprehensive CD local news and information bulletin for blind and partially-sighted members of the community once a fortnight – having never missed a deadline in 42 years.

“There’s a great sense of pride in Llanelli as we were one of the first towns in Wales to introduce a talking newspaper service,” said Llanelli and District Talking Newspaper Association chairman Robert Lloyd.

“The service was founded during 1976, with the first edition being issued to nine listeners in December of that year.

“The inspiration and driving force behind the project was the late Mr Harold Owen, Manager of a Painting and Decorating shop situated in Stepney Street, Llanelli.

“The team of volunteers involved in the production and distribution of the newspaper numbers about 25 people at present and it is a credit to them, and their predecessor volunteers that the service has never once missed an edition.

“No volunteer receives any payment or remuneration whatsoever, and all income is applied solely to the provision of the service itself, i.e. Water rates, electricity, and insurance of the recording studio, and purchase of CDs and postal wallets and other necessary equipment.

“In particular, we are looking for volunteers with technical and computer skills to help with the recording of the fortnightly CD programme and the duplication of CDs.

“Training will be given and the role of technical engineer would suit young students eager to gain knowledge of working in a well-equipped recording studio. The role would also suit retired members of the community eager to put their technical skills to good use.”

The AGM of the Llanelli and District Talking Newspaper Association is being held at the St Barnabas Community Centre in Llewellyn Street, Llanelli SA15 1BD, on Thursday, February 22 at 6.30pm.

There is a vacancy on the association’s management committee which will be filled at the AGM.

Association chairman Mr Lloyd added: “We are always looking for new faces to bolster the hard-working team at the talking newspaper. Anyone interested in lending a hand is welcome to pop along to the AGM to find out more about the service.

“Alternatively, anyone interested in volunteering can email me at rlloydpr@btinternet.com or phone me on 07777 6835637.”

Photo: Newsreaders Andrew Sayers and Veronica Haynes recording the most recent edition of the Llanelli Talking Newspaper for the Blind.