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The latest Phil Evans column

Phil Evans

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The latest Phil Evans column

Posted By Robert Lloyd

Comedian Phil Evans is from Ammanford. He is known as the man who puts the ‘cwtsh’ into comedy. Website – www.philevans.co.uk

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I’ve tried my best, I really have.

Despite my weekly efforts to inform the world (well,thispart of it anyway), it feels like I’m doggy-paddling against a tidal wave of indifference.

But I won’t walk away from my mission.

What isyour mission?” I hear you ask.

Which isn’t easy to answer, as I’m in Coventry having my toe-nails clipped by a chiropodist named Dimitri as you read this.

My mission is to correct irritating errors made by TV, radio and the press – including . . . . gasp. . . thisesteemed publication.

The Post recently ran a story about a flood at the Grand Theatre Swansea which caused two ‘showings’ of “Aladdin” to be cancelled.

Showings?

I almost spilt my avocado-on-toast flavoured latte.

Cinemashave ‘showings’.

Theatres have ‘performances’.

If someone said to me, “We’re going to a showing of Rigoletto at the Welsh National Opera tonight”, my response would be, “When did theWNO open a cinema?”

Because that’s the sort of razor-sharp, killer repartee I’m known for.

Media sources, including BBC News, stated that Fire and Fury, the new book about Trump, was releasedfour days earlier than planned.

No, it wasn’t!

Films, CDs, prisoners and racing pigeons are released.

Books are published.

That’s why we have publishers and not ‘releasers’.

Ever read that a new musical or play was ‘premiered’in the West End?

It wasn’t.

Filmshave premieres.

Stage showshave ‘first nights’.

Even broadcasters who should know better (“Hi Elaine!”) often refer to a stage musical having a ‘soundtrack’ album’.

It doesn’t!

Filmshave ‘soundtrack’ albums.

Stage musicalshave ‘original cast’ albums.

Bearing in mind the state of the world, you may consider my mission is of no importance.

But, consider this . . .

If broadcasters and journalists can’t be bothered to use the correct terminology in trivial stories, might they do the same with the bigger stuff?

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Clearly, many of us need to exercise more – and this time of year is an ideal time to start.

I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose-fitting clothing.

Well, to be honest with you, if I had any loose-fitting clothing, I wouldn’t have signed up in the first place.

Then I had a note and a plastic bag delivered through my letterbox, asking me to donate my unwanted clothes to the starving people of the world.

I don’t know if this is legitimate or not, but one thing is for certain: anyone who fits into my clothes at this time is not starving.

Even a brisk regular walk in the park is a step in the right direction, I suppose, but the weather doesn’t help.

It’s been so cold here in Wales lately – while I was walking in Parc Howard, Llanelli last week I’m sure I saw a squirrel salting his nuts.

I think the answer for me is to visit my mate GI Joe Personal Training in order to get fit and healthy.

I’ll give him a call to meet up and discuss this over a big slice of cake and full fat caramel latte with chocolate sprinkles.

See, I’m a lost cause . . .

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You can follow Phil Evans on Twitter @philevanswales and www.philevans.co.uk

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