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The latest Phil Evans column

Phil Evans

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The latest Phil Evans column

Posted By Robert Lloyd

Comedian Phil Evans is from Ammanford. He is known as the man who puts the ‘cwtsh’ into comedy. Website – www.philevans.co.uk

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DRIVING ME CRAZY

As many more things irritate me now than 10 years ago, I think I’ve developed something that’s not mentioned in any medical dictionary – Low Tolerance Syndrome.

While I can tolerate background music in restaurants, I become infuriated when music from a radio in the adjacent kitchen creates the teeth-grinding cacophony of two different tunes playing at the same time. 

Because it’s absolute torture to me, after only a few minutes I’ve been known to blurt out, “You’ll only get my name, rank and serial number, you Nazi swine!”

Restaurant staff are oblivious to it, because when I complain they tilt their heads to one side . . . listen . . . and say, “Oh, yes. I can hear it now!”

Other drivers drive me crazy, too.

Driving a car during busy periods in Swansea is like being in a war zone because, in a war, you never tell your enemy your next move.

That’s probably why most drivers don’t use indicators.

Please tell me I’m not the only one seeing this. Is it any wonder that road rage is on the increase?

Very few road users have the time and patience for cyclists who whizz along our roads . . . and our pavements and canal tow paths, too, from what I’ve seen!

Motorists are in such a rush, safety goes out the window.

I’ve seen some ridiculous overtaking manoeuvres this week – the drivers in question risking their lives and those of other drivers just to get one space ahead.

It’s part of today’s “I’mmore important than you, mate!” selfishness.

But things could be changing . . .

North Wales Police have introduced a scheme named ‘Operation Snap’ that encourages drivers to submit dash cam footage of bad and reckless driving, including another thing that drives me crazy when I see it – idiots using their mobile phones when driving.

Let’s hope this idea is rolled-out throughout the UK, lowers accident figures and keeps us safe on the roads.

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So, the Christmas decorations are all down and safely stored away. When you think about it, Christmas is just a cardboard box in the attic now!

By the end of this week, it is most likely that I would have broken at least three of my New Year resolutions – and probably four of the Ten Commandments.

Why is it we head into January full of good intentions, yet find it so hard to stick to our goals?

On the 31stDecember I filled the fridge with salad and ironed my running vest.

By the 2ndJanuary, I’m sitting in a well known coffee franchise, writing this column while sampling their freshly baked goodies and cream topped hot chocolate.

At least I lasted one more day than last year.

For many, January is the time of year when we feel in ‘limbo’.

The fun and excitement is over and the harsh reality of paying for an elaborate Christmas hits home.

There’s one question I always ask myself during the Christmas period: Whatever happened to soap on a rope?

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You can follow Phil Evans on Twitter @philevanswales and www.philevans.co.uk

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