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The latest Phil Evans column

Phil Evans

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The latest Phil Evans column

Posted By Robert Lloyd

Comedian Phil Evans is from Ammanford. He is known as the man who puts the ‘cwtsh’ into comedy. Website – www.philevans.co.uk



An unreported crime wave is affecting every strata of society – from the very top all the way down the social scale to cold callers, politicians and AMs.

I’ve been aware of it for some time, but refrained from revealing the grim facts until now.

Someone is going around stealing the letter ‘T’ from people’s vocabulary!

Just yesterday a young lady passed me in the street, shouting into her mobile ‘phone “Thass all rye. Don’ mar-urr if you is lay! I’ll me ya bow ay!”.

Which, translated, means . . .

“That’s all right. It doesn’t matter if you’re late. I’ll meet you about eight!”

Obviously, between leaving the house and walking past me, the poor girl had been the unknowing victim of ‘T’ theft, just like thousands of other people I hear in bars and cafes and on TV shows like “Ees-enders”, “Corona-shun Stree”, “Casual-ly”, “Silen’ Wi-ness” and “”Poin-less Celebri-ees”!

It’s even wriggled its way into the hallowed grounds of BBC Radio Four!

I know! Unbelievable isn’t it?

I’m loathe to mention the title of the programme it affected recently, but it was created by Roy Plomley in 1951, has been on the air ever since and involves a guest choosing their eight favourite pieces of music.

If you haven’t guessed by now, you’re obviously a Talk Sport listener.

Anyway, the guest that particular week described herself as a ‘War reporr-er’.

I didn’t hear all the programme because I had to “Go ‘ow’ for a den-all appoyn-men”, but I have an idea she chose songs by The Be-alls & Dean Mar-in plus an excerpt from “The Ey-een Twelve Over-ure”.

It’s a shocking state of affairs when someone who’s courageously reported from some of the most dangerous places on earth, isn’t immune from having her ‘Ts’ stolen.

So please, keep your eyes peeled.

Otherwise youcould be the “Nex’ Vic-im”.

Oh no! I’s me!




I can’t believe that I’ve been roped in once again to take on another challenge.

Two weeks ago, my good friend Robert Lloyd, from Llanelli, lured me into his home with coffee and cake.

I should have realised that there was an ulterior motive, and the cake distraction had the desired effect.

Thirty minutes later I found myself agreeing to take part in recording a weekly ‘podcast’ from a secret location.

“What is a podcast” I hear you shout?

Let me explain . . .

Apodcast is an audio show, usually spread across a series of episodes, which can be downloaded from the internet and listened to either on a computer or smart phone. The first two episodes have already been recorded and uploaded to the internet.

Who would have thought that two middle aged men sat in a small studio, chatting about whatever is going on in their heads and putting the world to rights would create an interest?

Well it has.

I sat and nervously awaited the feedback and viewing figures.

I’m more than pleasantly surprised.

Unscripted, unedited and no holds barred.

I’m under no illusion that our discussions might ruffle a few feathers, but it’s safe to say that the content will be open, honest and thought provoking, which is possibly why the feedback and figures have already exceeded our expectations by a long shot.

Let us know what you think . . .


You can follow Phil Evans on Twitter @philevanswales and www.philevans.co.uk

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