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The latest Phil Evans column

Phil Evans

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The latest Phil Evans column

Posted By Robert Lloyd

Comedian Phil Evans is from Ammanford. He is known as the man who puts the ‘cwtsh’ into comedy. This column appears in the South Wales Evening Post, Carmarthen Journal and Llanelli Star. Website – www.philevans.co.uk

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THE TOLERANT TOLERATE THE INTOLERANCE OF THE INTOLERANT!

I’m outraged. 

I’m bursting to bring the world’s attention to an important issue that reallyannoys me.

I’ll be contacting all the TV and radio stations, demanding I’m allowed – without being confronted by any counter argument – to air my valid grievance.

I intend to do this . . . as soon as I find something thatreallyannoys me.

Well, everyone else is doing it, so why not me?

Regularly, watching breakfast TV, the milk on my cornflakes quickly becomes soured by the sight of some deadbeat I’ve never heard of, speaking on behalf of their half-baked organisation or ‘Think Tank’ (I’ve only just learned to ‘Think Bike!, let alone Think Tank!)that disapproves of something that 99% of us have never considered to be a problem.

They loudly point out that we 99% are terrible people because something that gets theirgoat doesn’t get ours. 

Mine, incidentally, is happily roaming free in a field just outside Ammanford.

Although their pontificating should make my blood boil, my usual reaction is to wonder where their funding comes from, shrug my shoulders and put some fresh milk on my cornflakes.

Sainsbury’s customer magazine recently included a Persian recipe to introduce flavours to their customers that they may not have enjoyed before. 

The ingredients also included some Indian items.

Inclusivity anddiversity in one meal, you might think.

Not so. One angry British Iranian wrote to the boss of Sainsbury’s, demanding an apology because treating Iranian and Indian ingredients as virtually indistinguishable was ‘Casual, lazy racism and abhorrent’.

The dictionary definition of ‘abhorrent’is…

Inspiring disgust andloathing’

While there are many appalling things going on in this world that deserve to be described as abhorrent, I honestly don’t think a recipe containing a few incorrect ingredients deserves that description.

I’m just a comedian, but I think the world would be a much calmer place if, instead of appearing so eager to take offence, more people just shrugged their shoulders and poured fresh milk on their cornflakes.

…………………. 

Cold snap:

I don’t know about you, but over the past couple of days I’ve had some trouble warming up.

At this rate I will be digging out the thermal underwear garments which have been hidden away up until now following last winter’s holiday. 

On Saturday evening, I couldn’t help but notice that the majority of the punters frequenting Wind Street in Swansea were wearing next to nothing.

Yes – bare legs and flimsy tops and certainly no fur coats.

And the women were just as bad!

Don’t get me wrong, extremely fashion conscious, but zero practicality. 

It’s now dawned on me that I’m at an age where comfort and practicality takes precedent over fashion.

Boring to some, I know, but I’d rather be warm and happy than cold and miserable. 

Please don’t say that I’m alone on this? 

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You can follow Phil Evans on Twitter @philevanswales and www.philevans.co.uk

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