Comedian Phil Evans is from Ammanford. He is known as the man who puts the ‘cwtsh’ into comedy. Website – www.philevans.co.uk
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No Interval? Give Me A Break! Preferably 20 Minutes
I recently revealed that my regular ramblings, rants and reminiscences aren’t necessarily published in the order I submit them.
If you don’t remember this (not to confuse matters), it might mean my piece explaining my articles aren’t necessarily published in the order I submit them may not have been published in the order I submitted it.
So, don’t think I’ve come late to the party regarding this week’s subject – I wrote it the day I read about it in the national papers.
I’m referring to the controversial idea put forward by the managements of some West End theatres, that they should dispense with the traditional interval – and plays should continue uninterrupted, as in Shakespeare’s time.
Although, very few theatre bars back then served a decent G & T ‘twixt Acts One & Two.
“May I have ice and a slice?”
“No, thou may not! Clearest off! Thou’s causing a queue!”
We all know the incredible prices London theatres charge for a seat with a decent view of the stage.
So, when I read that one theatre boss commented, “A play that only lasts 80 or 85 minutes doesn’t really require an interval”, my blood started to boil like the witches’ cauldron in the Scottish play.
85 minutes?
If I paid a couple of hundred smackers (plus travel and hotel costs and taxi fares) for the ‘hottest ticket in town’ and found myself out on the street after less than 90 minutes, I’d feel short-changed.
For the money, I’d expect a three-hour spectacular, free souvenir brochure and ice cream, a front row seat and an invitation to meet the cast afterwards.
You’re right. I haven’t seen a West End show for years.
But I know some London theatre seats are uncomfortably small, so even if you don’t fancy an interval snifter, you need to stretch your legs after a while.
All theatres rely heavily on the revenue generated by their bar and some gentlemen of a certain age need regular visits to the loo.
With no interval, rather than disturb fellow theatregoers, they’d have to sit in discomfort all evening – making the audience, rather than the show, ‘Les Miserables’!
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Chilly Adventures: The Quest for Heat
It’s a bit nippy outside, and the big question looms: have you turned your heating on yet?
Well, I took the plunge and was greeted by a delightful symphony of gurgles, a hissing serenade that could only be rivalled by a deflating balloon, and then, drumroll please, complete silence!
Yes, folks, my boiler decided it was time for a holiday, leaving me in a frosty chill resembling a scene from a holiday film where the hero needs to find warmth before the snowstorm hits.
But fear not!
I have boiler cover with a well-known supplier, so I knew fun was about to follow!
I dialled the number, ready for action, and was welcomed by a jolly voice that could only be described as the human equivalent of a hot cocoa.
“Thank you for calling! Your call is very important!” she chirped.
Oh, really? Because I was starting to feel like a penguin waiting for the ice to thaw.
Twenty minutes in, and I was now on a first-name basis with the hold music.
I could probably audition for an album of elevator hits!
The jolly voice continued to reassure me, but I had crossed a threshold, there was no turning back!
Five minutes?
Sure, I could hang up. But 20 minutes? That’s commitment!
I was practically bonded to my phone like it was my new best friend.
Finally, after what felt like a Netflix binge without the popcorn, a real voice broke through the hold music haze, thanking me for my patience.
In my excitement, I fumbled my phone like a clumsy acrobat, and, poof!
Call disconnected!
Talk about a plot twist!
Now, it’s been five days of frosty fun, and I’m starting to think my house might qualify as an ice sculpture.
But, hey, at least I can now say I have the world’s longest wait for heating!
Who knew chilling with a boiler could be an adventure?
I’m ready for the next chapter . . . hopefully with some heat!
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You can follow Phil Evans on Twitter @philevanswales and www.philevans.co.uk
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