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The latest Phil Evans column

Phil Evans

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The latest Phil Evans column

Posted By Robert Lloyd

Comedian Phil Evans is from Ammanford. He is known as the man who puts the ‘cwtsh’ into comedy. This column appears in the South Wales Evening Post, Carmarthen Journal and Llanelli Star. Website – www.philevans.co.uk

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A regular reader came up to me last week and asked, “Do you reallygetannoyed about so many things . . . or do you just pretend?”

My response?

“Kindly pass me that towel and get out of my bathroom!”

I had new door locks fitted the next day.

The truth is I doget annoyed by many things.

Like . . .

Christmas songs being played in shops well before Remembrance Sunday.

Christmas songs being played in shops well afterRemembrance Sunday. 

Recently I heard a BBC Radio Wales traffic presenter announce, “There issome issues on the Heads Of The Valleys Road!”

My quickfire response was worthy of Oscar Wilde – “Yeah, and that’s not the only thing there isissues with!” 

You think Craig Revel Horwood is catty? 

He’s an amateurcompared to me! 

I must be one of those over-sensitive people whose hackles are easily raised.

As a matter of fact, my family’s raised hackles since the 18thCentury, always releasing them into the wild when they’re old enough to fend for themselves.

Now that we’re well into winter, my perennial pet peeve has starting to appear once again – grown men wearing shorts in bitterly cold weather, striding around as if they’re in the Australian outback.

They might think they’re tough as leather, but in fact they’re daft as a brush.

Why? Because, as their bare, pasty legs are attacked by icy winds, hail and snow, they wear woolly hats to keep their headswarm!

Does that make any sensewhatsoever?

I overheard one young man justify his lack of long legwear in December by boasting, “I’ve come straight from football training!”

If he hadn’t been twice my size, I would have asked, “Fine. But why did you leave your trousers in the changing room?”

As for bandy, beer-bellied men over 50 wearing crumpled shorts at any time of year,I’m meeting the Lord Chief Justice soon to discuss having it made a capital offence . . . 

…………………. 

It’s that time of year when every retailer wants our hard-earned cash and we are constantly tempted to part with it as those special offers are all around us.

But do we really need all these bargains, or are we just seduced into becoming serial impulse buyers? 

At home, clutter and waste is all around us in one form or another.

Things we don’t use or need – and, quite often, bought on impulse. 

You know what happens after the big Black Friday sales?

I’ll tell you. 

A lot of people who bought new big screen TVs will take them home, hook them up and then realise they need to do something with their old TVs. 

Same is true with other things they bought.

Whether it be exercise equipment, bikes, toys, furniture, books, even high-end audio gear, they’ll want to get rid of the old to make room for the new. 

A lot of unwanted items will end up at your local charity shop, which makes this a good time of the year to visit those stores – because they’ll be overflowing with goodies. 

Chances are, you’ll find some real bargains there.

It’s win-win!

You pick up bargains, charities make more money

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You can follow Phil Evans on Twitter @philevanswales and www.philevans.co.uk

Please again include www.philevans.co.uk

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