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The latest Phil Evans column

Phil Evans

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The latest Phil Evans column

Posted By Robert Lloyd

Comedian Phil Evans is from Ammanford. He is known as the man who puts the ‘cwtsh’ into comedy. This column appears in the South Wales Evening Post, Carmarthen Journal and Llanelli Star. Website – www.philevans.co.uk


I thought I’d give you the benefit of my meticulously-researched analysis of the current Brexit situation.

Just kidding!

While the ‘B’ word isn’t the first thing I think about when I wake up in the morning, I’m reminded of it as soon as I start feeding my pet pooch his kibble – they’re both dog’s breakfasts.

Talking of food, as one of my hip and trendy readers with your finger on the pulse of what’s happening, you’ll be aware we’re well into ‘Veganuary’ the month, when we’re encouraged to give up meat, dairy and fish.

If we give up drinking tea next month, will it be referred to as ‘Feb-No-Brew-Up-Ary’?  

Maybe not…

I was staggered to hear that a well-known chain of High Street bakers (I’m not allowed to name them, but it rhymes with ‘eggs’) have started selling vegan sausage rolls. 

Presumably, made with real vegans. Yum!

I was double-staggeredto hear on the very same daythat a fast food chain famous for their burgers and fries has started serving children’s vegetarian ‘Happy Meals’ containing yellow split peas, rice, sun-dried tomato pesto and herbs.

It’s a great idea, but how many children will be ‘Happy’ to hear that?

Again, I can’t name the company in question but it’s the same as the old man who had a farm in the children’s song.

I’ve never understood why that song hasn’t been banned by teachers.

Because every time the word ‘FARM’ is mentioned, it’s spelt out as ‘E.I.E.I.O’. which must cause confusion among kids struggling with the complexities of English grammar

However, I was treble-staggeredto learn the ‘Vegetarian Happy Meal’ contains 209 calories while the normal chicken nugget ‘Happy Meal’ only has 173!

That fact got my mental wheels turning (luckily they’ve recently been steam cleaned!) and a load of thoughts came to me.

The main one being . . . “What part of a chicken is a nugget?”

I’d ask Old MacDonald but he can’t even spell ‘FARM’…


Operation Snap:

I was amazed to read this week that the police road safety campaign, Operation Snap, has received 2,300 items of dashcam footage of video or pictures relating to driving offences, all taken by members of the public.

This has apparently led to action being taken in more than 650 cases in Wales over the last year, including 100 fixed penalty fines, 83 court prosecutions and 90 drivers sent on awareness courses.

I know, from speaking to friends and family that this way of catching these drivers out has a very mixed reaction.

I have seen friends get very irate on social media when a speed camera is lying in wait in a lay-by to catch unsuspecting drivers speeding.

Personally, I do like speed, but am reminded that the speed limit is there for a reason!

Being unable to handle a car or motorcycle at high speed is known to cause so many accidents and surely any measure that will slow drivers down is a good thing, if it means our loved ones are getting home safely every day? 

Not a week goes by when there is not a bump on the M4, so I’m all for backing anything that makes our roads a safer place.

This topic is not everyone’s cup of tea, but do let me know what you think…


You can follow Phil Evans on Twitter @philevanswales and www.philevans.co.uk

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