Three popular Welsh comedians are planning to add extra mirth to the inaugural Merthyr Comedy Festival in April.

The ‘Comedy and  Cwtshes’ event at Dowlais Theatre will be held on Saturday, April 14.

Tickets are on sale now via Redhouse – and are going fast.

The evening will feature classic stand-up comedy, with Phil Evans – the man with more pop than a bottle of Corona – in the vanguard of a three-part attack on the funny bones.

The evening will also feature BBC broadcaster Gary Slaymaker and another seasoned radio performer in Aled Richards.

“I always have to watch my words when describing Gary Slaymaker, but it’s fair to say we are three ‘big’ comedy performers in every sense of the word,” said Phil.

“The Apocalypse has its three horsemen, but Welsh comedy has its three joybringers, who promise to bring lorry loads of laughs to the first Merthyr Comedy Festival.”

Spread over two days and around 10 different venues in the town, the festival will showcase a huge range of comedy talent, including some of the biggest stars of the British comedy circuit, rising talent from around the UK, children’s shows, family shows and shows that are a little more adult in their nature.

There promises to be something for everyone across the festival programme.

Phil Evans and Friends with be at Dowlais Theatre between 5pm – 6pm on April 14 for Comedy and Cwtshes.

About Phil Evans:

Phil Evans is a hugely sought-after comedian, writer, newspaper columnist and conference host from the heart of South Wales.

With multiple TV and radio credits to his name at home in the UK, Phil has also performed far and wide, including Oslo, America and Canada.

Phil has recently performed and hosted events in Dublin and Cork for corporate organisations and keeps getting asked back,. He is renowned for his warmth, humour and likeability.

Phil started his comedy career many years back as a TV warm-up artist for the BBC, S4C and HTV/ITV and continues to perform alongside many of the most talented people in entertainment.

With more than 20 years experience, Phil isn’t so much a comic, but more like a force of nature.

Phil is the man who has put the ‘Cwtsh’ back into Welsh comedy.

He is sometimes known as the ‘Hugmeister of Wales’ for his devotion to his favourite topic – the Welsh cwtsh (hug).

If you can spare the time (possibly a week or so), he will explain why a cwtsh should always be spelt as ‘cwtsh’ and not ‘cwtch’.

Press him for further information about how his comedy career started and he will tell you how he left school with 10 GCSEs . . . before the headmaster told him to put them back!

Cheeky, but never crude or offensive, Evans produces a very Welsh brand of humour.

He writes a popular weekly column in the South Wales Evening Post, the Carmarthen Journal and the Llanelli Star newspapers.

He also has a weekly podcast called “The Big Cwtsh’, available now on SoundCloud.

He’s guaranteed to bring ‘mirth’ to Merthyr!

“Phil Evans – the resident ‘Hug-meister’ of Wales . . . the one man who knows how to spell ‘cwtsh’ properly . . .a free-wheeling fun merchant who is close to being a national Welsh treasure”.

Robert Lloyd, media consultant and former newspaper editor.

Website –

www.philevans.co.uk

Twitter @philevanswales

About Aled Richards:

Shit happens. And every cloud has a silver lining, apparently.

So indeed, a major health scare can spawn a whole new comedy routine.

Aled Richards is known for musing over the latest shit things that have happened in his life. You may have seen him on S4C. You may have heard him on Radio Cymru. Or you may not have. You will however be able to hear him in Merthyr. So go along. You may laugh.

Gary Slaymaker:

Gary Slaymaker is a BBC Radio Wales film reviewer, author, comedy writer, and broadcaster . . . which means he’s either quite talented, or can’t keep hold of a single job.

With more than 25 years of experience as a stand-up comedian, he’s managed to upset people all over Britain . . . but mainly his mam.

Gary is completely toilet trained, but does sometimes have trouble with his aiming.

The same is true for his humour.

It’s been a valued institution in Llanelli for more than 40 years.

Now the Llanelli and District Talking Newspaper Association is searching for more volunteers.

The association produces a comprehensive CD local news and information bulletin for blind and partially-sighted members of the community once a fortnight – having never missed a deadline in 42 years.

“There’s a great sense of pride in Llanelli as we were one of the first towns in Wales to introduce a talking newspaper service,” said Llanelli and District Talking Newspaper Association chairman Robert Lloyd.

“The service was founded during 1976, with the first edition being issued to nine listeners in December of that year.

“The inspiration and driving force behind the project was the late Mr Harold Owen, Manager of a Painting and Decorating shop situated in Stepney Street, Llanelli.

“The team of volunteers involved in the production and distribution of the newspaper numbers about 25 people at present and it is a credit to them, and their predecessor volunteers that the service has never once missed an edition.

“No volunteer receives any payment or remuneration whatsoever, and all income is applied solely to the provision of the service itself, i.e. Water rates, electricity, and insurance of the recording studio, and purchase of CDs and postal wallets and other necessary equipment.

“In particular, we are looking for volunteers with technical and computer skills to help with the recording of the fortnightly CD programme and the duplication of CDs.

“Training will be given and the role of technical engineer would suit young students eager to gain knowledge of working in a well-equipped recording studio. The role would also suit retired members of the community eager to put their technical skills to good use.”

The AGM of the Llanelli and District Talking Newspaper Association is being held at the St Barnabas Community Centre in Llewellyn Street, Llanelli SA15 1BD, on Thursday, February 22 at 6.30pm.

There is a vacancy on the association’s management committee which will be filled at the AGM.

Association chairman Mr Lloyd added: “We are always looking for new faces to bolster the hard-working team at the talking newspaper. Anyone interested in lending a hand is welcome to pop along to the AGM to find out more about the service.

“Alternatively, anyone interested in volunteering can email me at rlloydpr@btinternet.com or phone me on 07777 6835637.”

Photo: Newsreaders Andrew Sayers and Veronica Haynes recording the most recent edition of the Llanelli Talking Newspaper for the Blind.

Comedian Phil Evans is from Ammanford. He is known as the man who puts the ‘cwtsh’ into comedy. Website – www.philevans.co.uk

………………………….

THE PRICE OF LOVE WENT UP THIS WEEK

If you’re a man with a ‘significant other’ and you’ve forgotten it’s Valentine’s Day, there’s a good chance you’re feeling chilly after receiving an icy stare and a cold shoulder .

But take heart if you didn’t buy the object of your affection a card and flowers – or book a restaurant for a romantic meal tonight.

Neither did I!

For a start, I’ve never met the object of your affection.

It’s not that I’m unromantic.

I just get annoyed that in the run-up to today, florists, restaurants and hotels raise their prices – ,and I don’t like being ripped-off.

Next week when all the commercially-created pink fluffiness has evaporated, hotels will fall over themselves to offer you great deals and you can dine out without being surrounded by love-struck couples too busy gazing into each other’s eyes to notice their waiter has been standing next to their table for 20 minutes waiting to collect their plates of uneaten cold spaghetti and hand them an outrageously expensive bill.

There are several theories about the origins of Valentine’s Day.

Some believe St Valentine was a man who was devoted to cultivating a garden full of beautiful flowers which he handed out to lovers – making him sound like a cross between a medieval hippy and Alan Titchmarsh.

Another theory is it started with the pagan festival Lupercalia which honoured Juno the Roman Goddess of women and marriage and Pan the Roman God of . . . er, how can I put this delicately?

Nookie!

The festival involved men hitting women on the back with animal hides to increase their fertility!

As primitive and unpleasant as it sounds, I heard a whisper that it’s still practiced in some remote parts of Wales where family planning is never discussed.

Take a tip from me, lads –

As much as we all hate being ripped-off, next year buy a card and a bunch of roses.

——————

Bad advertising:

In my job, I do a lot of driving up and down the country and much of this time is spent on motorways, where you really have to have your wits about you.

It’s a free-for-all at times, I’m sure you will agree.

It seems to me that the nation’s driving is getting worse; everyone seems to be in a rush.

Now then, here is one thing that never fails to amaze me.

A few times recently I have been happily travelling along within the speed limit and out of nowhere, right behind me appears someone who is in much more of a rush than the rest of the universe.

I can’t see their number plate as they are so frighteningly close.

When they pass me, I can clearly see the likes of ‘Bob’s Plastering Service’, ‘Pete’s Plumbing’, accompanied by their email address and contact number.

Now forgive me if I’m wrong, but driving like an absolute plonker while advertising your contact details on your van is not the ideal way to promote your business, is it?

Just sayin’ . . .

——————-

You can follow Phil Evans on Twitter @philevanswales and www.philevans.co.uk

Comedian Phil Evans is from Ammanford. He is known as the man who puts the ‘cwtsh’ into comedy. Website – www.philevans.co.uk

………………………….

Theft:

An unreported crime wave is affecting every strata of society – from the very top all the way down the social scale to cold callers, politicians and AMs.

I’ve been aware of it for some time, but refrained from revealing the grim facts until now.

Someone is going around stealing the letter ‘T’ from people’s vocabulary!

Just yesterday a young lady passed me in the street, shouting into her mobile ‘phone “Thass all rye. Don’ mar-urr if you is lay! I’ll me ya bow ay!”.

Which, translated, means . . .

“That’s all right. It doesn’t matter if you’re late. I’ll meet you about eight!”

Obviously, between leaving the house and walking past me, the poor girl had been the unknowing victim of ‘T’ theft, just like thousands of other people I hear in bars and cafes and on TV shows like “Ees-enders”, “Corona-shun Stree”, “Casual-ly”, “Silen’ Wi-ness” and “”Poin-less Celebri-ees”!

It’s even wriggled its way into the hallowed grounds of BBC Radio Four!

I know! Unbelievable isn’t it?

I’m loathe to mention the title of the programme it affected recently, but it was created by Roy Plomley in 1951, has been on the air ever since and involves a guest choosing their eight favourite pieces of music.

If you haven’t guessed by now, you’re obviously a Talk Sport listener.

Anyway, the guest that particular week described herself as a ‘War reporr-er’.

I didn’t hear all the programme because I had to “Go ‘ow’ for a den-all appoyn-men”, but I have an idea she chose songs by The Be-alls & Dean Mar-in plus an excerpt from “The Ey-een Twelve Over-ure”.

It’s a shocking state of affairs when someone who’s courageously reported from some of the most dangerous places on earth, isn’t immune from having her ‘Ts’ stolen.

So please, keep your eyes peeled.

Otherwise youcould be the “Nex’ Vic-im”.

Oh no! I’s me!

——————

Podcast:

I can’t believe that I’ve been roped in once again to take on another challenge.

Two weeks ago, my good friend Robert Lloyd, from Llanelli, lured me into his home with coffee and cake.

I should have realised that there was an ulterior motive, and the cake distraction had the desired effect.

Thirty minutes later I found myself agreeing to take part in recording a weekly ‘podcast’ from a secret location.

“What is a podcast” I hear you shout?

Let me explain . . .

Apodcast is an audio show, usually spread across a series of episodes, which can be downloaded from the internet and listened to either on a computer or smart phone. The first two episodes have already been recorded and uploaded to the internet.

Who would have thought that two middle aged men sat in a small studio, chatting about whatever is going on in their heads and putting the world to rights would create an interest?

Well it has.

I sat and nervously awaited the feedback and viewing figures.

I’m more than pleasantly surprised.

Unscripted, unedited and no holds barred.

I’m under no illusion that our discussions might ruffle a few feathers, but it’s safe to say that the content will be open, honest and thought provoking, which is possibly why the feedback and figures have already exceeded our expectations by a long shot.

Let us know what you think . . .

——————-

You can follow Phil Evans on Twitter @philevanswales and www.philevans.co.uk

Comedian Phil Evans is from Ammanford. He is known as the man who puts the ‘cwtsh’ into comedy. Website – www.philevans.co.uk

…………………………. 

WHAT WOULD IVOR EMMANUEL THINK?

The classic film “Zulu”, starring the great Stanley Baker, has long been a Bank Holiday TV staple.

The scene where Ivor Emmanuel as Pvt. Owen leads the bruised and battered soldiers in a rousing version of “Men Of Harlech” is a highlight.

The film doesn’t glorify war or colonialism. It depicts British soldier’s heroism in the face of overwhelming odds, defending Rorke’s Drift mission in 1879.

However, it seems pop singer Lily Allen has a bee in her bonnet about this historic event.

According to the London Evening Standard, on January 23^rd, she was angry that written on the passenger information board at Dollis Hill Tube Station was this notice…

‘On this day in 1879, 150 British and Colonial troops successfully defended Rorke’s Drift against 4,000 Zulu warriors’

Ms. Allen was angered to such a degree she ‘slammed’ Transport For London and accused them of ‘celebrating colonialism’.

If Ms. Allen had a better command of the English language she’d realise the notice wasn’t ‘celebrating’ the battle of Rorke’s Drift.

It was commemoratingit.

Ms. Allen ‘bravely’ criticised Tube staff in a Tweet to her 5.9 million followers.

But how would shehave fared if confronted by 4,000 spear-carrying Zulus?

Yes, about the same as me, I think!

I’m aware Ms. Allen is zealous about various world ‘issues’ that concern her.

But if she got into a lather about a notice written in felt-tip in a Tube Station foyer, she obviously has far too much spare time on her hands.

Several of her Twitter followers suggested she should ‘get over herself’.

Politeness prevents me from commenting.

39 soldiers defending Rorke’s Drift were Welsh and of the eleven soldiers awarded the Victoria Cross, two were named Jones and another Williams.

So there’s a safe bet they were Welsh.

In case you weren’t aware, Ms. Allen’s father is from Llanelli.

——————

Litter:

Why is it in this day and age, people continue to drop litter without a care in the world or without consideration to others?

Recently, I watched a football match in my home town of Ammanford, a place where the locals are blessed with a beautiful big recreation ground that facilitates several football pitches and a cricket pitch.

And yet, when the players and spectators leave, there are huge amounts of crisp packets, pop bottles and empty cans strewn across the field.

A few more strategically-placed bins wouldn’t go amiss either – as there seems to be only one bin in the whole area!

Picture the scene, you call round to a friend’s house for a cuppa and a few biscuits, you wouldn’t throw the empty biscuit packet on their lounge carpet before you went home, would you?

Do we not care enough about the environment anymore?

Are we oblivious to it all?

Or is it just the fact that we are too bloody lazy and it is someone else’s job to pick it all up?

Let’s start taking responsibility for our own mess, each and every one of us.

Don’t even get me started on a whole bag of rubbish being launched out of a car window from a certain fast food chain…McDisgusting!

——————-

You can follow Phil Evans on Twitter @philevanswales and www.philevans.co.uk

Comedian Phil Evans is from Ammanford. He is known as the man who puts the ‘cwtsh’ into comedy. Website – www.philevans.co.uk

………………………….

We all need time in our busy lives to mull over thoughts.

Let’s face it, you can’t spend time in quiet contemplation while surrounded by ringing telephones, pinging e-mails and people asking questions nineteen-to-the dozen.

Luckily, I have a place where I can go to think – I’ll explain where it is in a moment.

Some of the things currently buzzing around my bonce are . . .

The naughty kids in my neighbourhood have stopped spray-painting every available surface. So, is the writing on the wall for graffiti?

Do you care how many hours of sunshine Moscow enjoyed last month?

I don’t, but I know it’s ‘six’ because it was mentioned on Radio Four’s Six O’Clock news last week.

With all that’s going on in the world, it beggars belief the programme would be concerned with the length of time Muscovites were exposed to December sunshine

Why they included sucha random story was still baffling me while I stood in the place I go when I want to be left alone.

You may have been there yourself.

It’s called ‘A Bank Queue’

The bank once had three ‘windows’, behind which sat three staff members who served customers.

This particular day, one window was covered by a large cardboard stand which said “In A Hurry? Try Our Automatic Cash Machines!”

A second window was un-manned.

Behind a third window, a member of staff was helping a customer with a complicated, time-consuming transaction.

My thoughts as I stood there (and stood there a bit longer), listening to piped pop music and looking at a giant mural of cartoon characters used in the banks advertising, were . . .

If the bank hadn’t bought the rights to animated characters most of their customers under 40 wouldn’t recognise . . . and if they didn’t pay a licence to play pop music customers can do without, they might have  enough money to hire an additional member of staff in every branch!

Just sayin’

——————

This week, I had the pleasure of catching up with two great friends, Emma Melrose andShareenGeersfrom Llanelli.

I just love a local hero story and here we have two ladies who are keen to make adifferenceto others lives, whilst setting and achieving personal targets and goals.

The ladies told me that they started a running club last year with friends ranging from 28-52 who couldn’t run 5km at the time.

They ended up running a half marathon and then looked for a way they could use this personal achievement to raise money for a good cause.

They chose to train for the London Marathon and raise money for The Make a Wish Foundation.

While they were bagging shopping for the charity in Morrisons supermarket in Parc Pemberton, they were approached by three separate families who had already benefited from Make a Wish.

Emma said, “Between us we have five healthy and happy girls and we wanted to be able to put a smile on the face of a child facing a debilitating illness”

“It(the training) is a lot more difficult than we anticipated, mainly due to the weather.

It’s cold and dark and difficult to stay motivated, but we stay positive and remind ourselves why we are doing this and this makes it all worthwhile.”

——————-

You can follow Phil Evans on Twitter @philevanswales and www.philevans.co.uk