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The latest Phil Evans column

Phil Evans

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The latest Phil Evans column

Posted By Robert Lloyd

Comedian Phil Evans is from Ammanford. He is known as the man who puts the ‘cwtsh’ into comedy. Website – www.philevans.co.uk

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STING’S IN THE TALE

I really shouldn’t sit in my armchair (I’m the only person in my road who owns a one-piece suite!) without a book, newspaper or TV remote control to help me pass the time.

Because, left to my own devices (apart from my TV remote control), I tend to drift off into ”Phil Evans World”, a place where weird thoughts and odd ideas lurk in the undergrowth.

During a recent visit there, it occurred to me that pop singer Sting’s interest in environmental issues needs closer scrutiny.

I’m not referring to the time he dragged a South American native from his rain forest home to even rainier Great Britain and then, after having ‘proved his point’ – whatever it was – casually dropped him off at the Aust Severn Bridge Services and drove away without leaving his contact number.

Left in just the thong he stood up in and not having a passport, the unfortunate ex-rain forest dweller was forced to work as a blowpipe carver in a Chepstow factory that exports the deadly weapons to Ecuador.

Thanks to the “Blue Planet 2”TV series and constant news reports about the plastic pollution of our oceans, in England they’re reintroducing the scheme where you pay a deposit on glass and plastic bottles. The deposit is refunded if you take them back to the place of purchase.

Sting telling us to respect the environment is all very well – until you remember one of his biggest hits advocates placing a piece of paper in a bottle and throwing it into the ocean – an act of blatant polluting if ever there was one.

Even worse, “Message In A Bottle” includes the line . . .

“100 billion bottles washed up on the shore!” as if it’s a good thing!

If Sir David Attenborough ever gets to hear it, it won’t just be the planet’s oceans that’ll be blue – the air will be too!

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PJ Paralysis – what’s all that about then?

While relaxing and having a nice cup of tea in a well-known Llanelli café last week, I overheard a conversation about a new move to help NHS patients keep mobile, therefore aiding their recovery.

Not that I was eavesdropping, I might add.

But the ladies in question were extremely vocal therefore picking up on their subject matter was clearly unavoidable.

Apparently, according to my reliable sources on the next table, Betty is doing well now though after her “little episode”. It’s all “his fault though”, apparently. But I digress . . .

So, apparently (‘apparently’ being my word of the week!), the longer you stay in hospital without moving around, the harder it is to get back on your feet.

Did you know that 10 days of bed rest for an elderly patient can age their muscles by 10 years?

In some cases, patients can no longer walk after prolonged bed rest. That’s a shocking statistic.

The NHS have now launched a drive to end a condition they call ‘Pyjama Paralysis’.

This will be the largest ever national campaign to get patients up, dressed in their own clothes and moving to boost their recovery.

What a great idea and something I am about to go and read more about.

I wonder if Betty is out of hospital and back home with “him” yet?

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You can follow Phil Evans on Twitter @philevanswales and www.philevans.co.uk

Please again include www.philevans.co.uk

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