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The latest Phil Evans column

Phil Evans

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The latest Phil Evans column

Posted By Robert Lloyd

Comedian Phil Evans is from Ammanford. He is known as the man who puts the ‘cwtsh’ into comedy. This column appears in the South Wales Evening Post, Carmarthen Journal and Llanelli Star. Website – www.philevans.co.uk

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Grey, cold January getting you down?

Broken your first resolution?

This news story I spotted might just put a smile on your face.

An audience member who attended a performance of“Jack And The Beanstalk”at the Neeld Community and Arts Centre, Chippenham, Wiltshire described it as…”Awful!”.

You might think that was just one person’s criticism of a professional pantomime company, until you consider that promised in their advertising were ”Sparkling sets and glittering costumes to bring festive joy!” when in reality, there wasnoscenery, sparkling or otherwise.  

There were only threecast members – and, according to another audience member, “Noneof them could sing or dance!”

Makes you wonder why they weren’t auditioning for The X Factor instead of spending December in Wiltshire.

But it gets better.

Apparently, to make it appear there were more than three people in the cast, the trio on stage occasionally spoke into the wings and backstage staff whispered their answers.

Excuse me while I wipe these tears of laughter from my eyes.

It reminds me of the Morecambe and Wise sketch set in a Foreign Legion fort. Eric and Ernie walk in dressed as Legionaires and just before he closes the door, Eric looks outside and says “You 200 men stay there and we’ll call if we need you!”

Another ”Jack And The Beanstalk” audience member remarked, “It was pretty terrible. My kids were bored. Luckily I found the bar”. 

Amazingly, the show completed its three-day run, but there were so many complaints that all 651 ticket buyers who’d paid £7 each were given a full refund. A loss of £4,557!

To be honest, the show sounded so hysterical. I’d have willingly handed over seven quid to have seen it.

I wonder where the same panto company – who you’ll notice I’ve not mentioned the name of – will be next Christmas?

If I find out, anyone want to organise a coach trip?

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Don’t forget it . . . 

I remember the days when you could only get petrol, oil and bags of coal from the local petrol station.

How times have changed!

Today, most petrol stations are as well stocked up as the supermarkets, which is a blessing in more ways than one for many men, especially as St Valentine’s Day is around the corner!

The last minute chocolates, cards and flowers can quite often save a relationship.

Having said that, Welsh men are actually quite lucky – we get St Dwynwen’s Day on the 25th January which I’m convinced was created as a three-week pre-warning just so we don’t forget.

Perish the thought!

Last year, I decided to get that special person in my life some lovely flowers for St Valentine’s Day.

The landlord of my local was quite touched and displayed them in a vase on the bar.

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You can follow Phil Evans on Twitter @philevanswales and www.philevans.co.uk

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